love for life.

Can you really love life even when things are tough?

This week’s did not get upto a good start from Monday onwards with my father telling me to withdraw around £2000 from the bank which after having constant things going in my mind forget identification with me, but we agreed to do it on a Tuesday morning. But then my father said he and my sisters would leaving early on Tuesday 11th February, which i had to find another way to do it. My bank increased my limit but was only allowed to get £300 out on Monday and then £250 out on Tuesday morning, it was hectic, my niece passport is not sorted and couldn’t travel, so me, my mum and brother remained. but the thing going on Pakistan would only worsen my nieces mental health.

Then my sister didn’t have any internet connection and before she left if i could order these two health plasters for my mother, which i did after managing the morning school run and tidying the bedroom and workspace, then i looked a the book mark i created and decided to promote them on etsy to show everyone i am not faking it. But this is where the stress leads on luckily for me i only had two products in stock published, one wanted the famous Elphaba wicked witch of the west bookmark, and i did what every seller would do start looking at the address of the customer and getting it shipped. But for some reason the verification is where i got stuck, I verified twice and only need to do my last check. But i did not have enough left for the last check, and then i realized hold on i’m only 23 what am i doing her and with only a personal bank account not even a business account set up. Everything seems too fast and to complicated. I felt sick to the stomach, low mood but i was fine last week, Do i have bipolar disorder now? I’m not sure but i am determined to pay the last check get my refund, my money back and anything in the future, set up a business account, make financial plans, maybe with an accountant or family member to help me along the way.

These challenges can make life seem hard and distressed, but to love life to your best well, i’ll never find it i said when I was young, when i did think of suicide, authors like Jacqueline wilson, Holly Webb, Enid Blyton, Malorie Blackman, Roald Dhal, Michael Morpurgo, Charles Dickens and David williams saved my life.

Also since 2023 after the king’s coronation, there where few post who shared with King Charles forgotten mistress who died broken heartedly after he chose Camilla. I am not a media critique, but at first i thought people made it up and that she was a friend of Camilla. Later learning a little more about her i was naive and believed toxic royalist or what this supposed other mistress so called friends have spoken about in the 2008 documentary prince Charles other mistress. Back in 2023 i became increasingly and toxically obsessed with Queen Camilla, i mean now i still support Queen Camilla, but keep my distance and comments limited, say lovely things.

Dale Elizabeth Harper later Lady Dale Tryon nicknamed Kanga by her husband which King Charles and others called her that. At first like i mentioned earlier, i was like a toxic Camilla fan, especially with Dale, hating her saying she was only after fame and money. But doing a deep dig and dive into her history who she was, their are no biographies on her just journal articles, but most of these like the 2008 documentary prince Charles other mistress where written by the ones Dale once called confidantes and trusted friends.

But in the face of loneliness, sadness, tragic accident and fake and toxic friends, she still remained a vibrant, vivacious, bubbly, funny and positive figure in her life. learning more about her, she quickly became an inspiration, as someone from artistic background and family, who had a passion for fashion in the back of my head, was even more inspired by her as a fashion designer, successful business woman an amzing mother and wife. The amazing mother and wife also comes from own grandmother and mother, also Queen Camilla.

Reading, learning and watching dale’s interviews hearing her soothing voice, not only have i fallen for her, but i also empathise with her chronic pain (her spina bifida and me Rheumatoid arthritis), mental health issues such Generalised anxiety disorder, to depression to which dale would have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

During the late 1970s Dale did an interview with Lana Wells a reporter from the australian women’s weekly, where Dale used to work before she worked as fashion agent for an american designer. This interview we see the true Dale Kanga Tryon- the quote that resonate with me the most is-

“Happiness comes from within, you cant rely totally on another person to make you happy, i see people going from husband to husband searching for happiness. They’ll never find it.” – Wed 7th dec 1977-Australian womens weekly – Lady Dale Tryon (Kanga).

This quote on happiness sticks with me first it came from favorite fashion designer and favorite person, but it is true because i tried getting happiness from my father failed, then relied on teachers both school and mosque failed, relied on my friends to make me happy failed well there close friends i love and adore, and who do make me happy. But one main thing i found happiness within myself i now joke about mistakes i did and what i could have done differently.

Kanga or the australian rose i like to call her will forever be a guiding candle in my life.